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Hey my little monsters! I haven't been on in a while so I hope I don't get deleted. I found this list on yahoo and is was so funny (and true!) I'll add little notes to ones I wish to add to. I've worked in a handful so restaurants and fast food joints, my sister is a bartender, my mom was in the restaurant business for 20 years, and one of my other sisters is a cocktail waitress


13 Things your Waiter/Waitress won't tell you.

1. Avoid eating out on holidays and Saturday nights. The sheer volume of customers guarantees that most kitchens will be pushed beyond their ability to produce a high-quality dish.
-Eh...this one is so so. Yeah it is hyper busy but those are the days we get the best tips

2. There are almost never any sick days in the restaurant business. A busboy with a kid to support isn't going to stay home and miss out on $100 because he's got strep throat. And these are the people handling your food.
-Sad but true. No such thing as a sick day when America needs to be fed!

3. When customers' dissatisfaction devolves into personal attacks, adulterating food or drink is a convenient way for servers to exact covert vengeance. Some waiters can and do spit in people's food.
-I have NEVER done this but I have seen it done. Basic rule...don't with people who handle your food! (yes I did get that from Waiting the movie....awesome and I do recommend it)

4. Never say "I'm friends with the owner." Restaurant owners don't have friends. This marks you as a clueless poseur the moment you walk in the door.
-Someone did this to me once. They said the they were friends with the owner and the only thing they got from me was an apology for having such a butthead for a friend

5. Treat others as you want to be treated. (Yes, people need to be reminded of this.)
-Duh.

6. Don't snap your fingers to get our attention. Remember, we have shears that cut through bone in the kitchen.
-No comment

7. Don't order meals that aren't on the menu. You're forcing the chef to cook something he doesn't make on a regular basis. If he makes the same entrée 10,000 times a month, the odds are good that the dish will be a home run every time.
-We won't say no...but we can't guarantee you'll be happy!

8. Splitting entrées is okay, but don't ask for water, lemon, and sugar so you can make your own lemonade. What's next, grapes so you can press your own wine?

9. If you find a waiter you like, always ask to be seated in his or her section. Tell all your friends so they'll start asking for that server as well. You've just made that waiter look indispensable to the owner. The server will be grateful and take good care of you.
-Yup......quid pro quo man!

10. If you can't afford to leave a tip, you can't afford to eat in the restaurant. Servers could be giving 20 to 40 percent to the busboys, bartenders, maître d', or hostess.
-I've been stiffed so many times from the tip I've lost count...and know this...we remember faces

11. Always examine the check. Sometimes large parties are unaware that a gratuity has been added to the bill, so they tip on top of it. Waiters "facilitate" this error. It's dishonest, it's wrong-and I did it all the time.
-No comment

12. If you want to hang out, that's fine. But increase the tip to make up for money the server would have made if he or she had had another seating at that table.
-Unless your family...they are exempt from that rule

13. Never, ever come in 15 minutes before closing time. The cooks are tired and will cook your dinner right away. So while you're chitchatting over salads, your entrées will be languishing under the heat lamp while the dishwasher is spraying industrial-strength, carcinogenic cleaning solvents in their immediate vicinity.
-And we will curse the day you were born! I remember one time while working at Wendy's(fast food place) and 5 minutes before closing someone 'dings in' and orders 10 Jr Bacon Cheeseburgers and 6 orders of chicken nuggets. I actually screamed while making the food "PB&J y'all! Make a sandwich at home!" Everyone was laughing...even my boss!
BTW when I say 'ding in' is means the ding we here when someone pulls up at drive thru to have there order taken. When you pull up we hear a little "ding"..kinda sounds like a doorbell....I still hear it in my sleep


Have fun!